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“Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.”
"In victory you deserve champagne, in defeat you need it." –Napoleon Bonaparte
"My grandmother is over 80 and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle." –Henny Youngman
When the wine is in, the wit is out. ~Proverb
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Beer, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.